I left work early on this holiday weekend because the Neanderthal was annoying me. I figured I’d beat some traffic and head to the mall to pick up the running shoes I had on hold. In and out. Spit, spot.
My detour to Urban Outfitters was odd. I can probably blame it on PMS. For some reason I feel the need to shop for clothing at the worst possible time of the month. I had thoughts of some light, flowey tops to wear over jeans or capris. Surely UO would have those.
As soon as I walked in, I thought “I can totally find stuff in here.” I saw some great maxi dresses tees and OH! Look! Cute flowey tops that look like they would hide all the bread and cheese and wine I consumed this winter! Some were strapless, some were backless (can’t do that, but cute!) some were cotton some were sheer. I started to look at sizes and held a few up to see if they would work over my jeans.
It was then that I saw the sign. “[insert brand name here] Dresses 30% off!”
These are dresses?!
Now I am not an old prude/fart. I really am not. I will be 40 in a few months and I am not wearing a house coat or a babushka. I am happy for you if you have the legs to carry off a very short dress. I wish I was running more so I could dream about doing it.
These ‘dresses’ were for short people. I mean, even the larges were so short there was no way a person that actually needed a large was going to be able to wear it in public without checking the weather to make sure there was absolutely no wind (or strong air conditioning inside) at all to blow up said dress. Sitting down would be out of the question and you better be wearing pretty undies if you planned on doing anything that resembled bending over. So at this moment I was still not really convinced that these were the dresses the sign mentioned. But, what could I do? I am not going to go ask the 16 year old walking the floor if they are dresses or tops without looking like I had a closet full of babushkas at home. I actually thought about calling a friend of mine who is younger and shops there more often than I do for help but even though she is a close friend I would still feel ridiculous asking her that question. The tags gave me no clues at all. I saw no one wearing said dresses; mannequin or live. I gave up.
When I got home, I enrolled in the on-line course on how to dress from Urban Outfitters, otherwise known as their on-line catalog and schooled myself. There they were – cute tiny people wearing the cute tiny dresses. Lesson learned. I still think they would look cute over jeans or leggings though.
Also, were what I thought were bras, tops? Back to the on-line learning program…