Halfway Point

I get edgy every year about this time when I am here.  I have the sense that my time here is half over and my heart begins to hurt.  I wander the cottage aimlessly, looking for something to occupy my mind so that I don’t think about the next few days.  I realize that I am supposed to live in the moment and I am working on it but here, where I know that I ‘belong’ more than anywhere on earth, the pull and the heartache of leaving is too close to push away. 

Since I was a very little girl and I realized what it meant to me, I have cried as we crossed the bridge to the mainland.  I still do.  This is the one place where my emotions run unchecked, I’ve less control over them than I do anywhere else.  I realize that having something like that is precious.  Some people wish or search for it their whole lives and never find it.  I have found it but is it something that I should look towards making permanent or should it remain a place I visit?  I have struggled with this for years and hopefully someday, I will find my answer because for the moment, as much as I love my time here, time now feels like my enemy.
  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/10023417839687501752 Snooty Primadona

    Oh, I hear you on this one. When we still had our lake house, I wanted to live there forever. So, hubby sold it so I wouldn’t make him move there to retire, lol.Basque in those few days left my friend, and let it wash over you like a soft blankie. It will hold you for a while. Maybe.

  • http://menapausalmama.blogspot.com Philly

    Look at it this way…..at least you get a vacationCould be worse#1

  • http://claimid.com/asthmagirl asthmagirl

    I get you. I felt very grounded in my Grammy’s beach house. My dad sold it to pay for nursing home care. I miss it. Hope you enjoy the rest of your time there!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11380248349097420353 MsFish

    Hi! It’s “As Cape Cod Turn’s” sister! :) SO great to meet you the other day! I just wanted to send you a quick comment about this post…I felt that some way about two places in my life (Maine and the Cape) and I found that, if you can just “let go”, sometimes the choices are made for you! :) Hope to see you again soon!

  • http://notsosahm.wordpress.com Vicki

    I hate that feeling when you know your time is short. Make it a goal to find something to revel in these last few days. Be purposeful. That’s about all I have, ‘cuz it sucks.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16794387734217000502 Los

    I tend to do this anytime I’m on vacation … I start counting down the days (not in a good way) as I approach the end of it … and it makes me sad. I try not to, but I always seem to do this … especially in the Outer Banks.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07390044790753392243 KathyLikesPink

    I know exactly what you mean. I feel the same way. Now I try to go back once or twice during the year. It’s winter, and it’s different, but I still love it.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/14660401535856930165 KC

    I am bad like that. From the second I start a vacation, I begin counting down till my vacay is over. I think its a sickness :(

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07159846227539202044 L.R. M-J

    Z- I'm going to have to agree with MSfish on this one…sometimes you just have to stop thinking & focusing on your quandry…let it go and life sometimes makes the decision for you…Lord knows if you'd told me a year ago I'd be living in a 300yr old fixer upper, own it and be in the country…I would have told you to stop smoking that crack! Deep breaths and photos my friend….gros bisous!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07635883243058872110 Tiffany

    That is such a great post. It’s so great that you know “your place” and so sad that you can’t be there all the time.