I Want to Be Naked

…or why I need my own office.

I am a mess today. Besides the poison ivy, I am itchy all over (no it’s not PI) from probably cheap moisturiser or the new body pouf I bought yesterday. I am going insane though. I seriously want to strip naked and roll around on the carpet like a dog. There are images of it going through my brain and I think…last night while I was scratching…I almost had an orgasm. I am TOTALLY not kidding. I am wearing a silk sweater and khaki (how do you spell that flippin‘ word anyway?) pants and the appropriate undergarments. All I want to do is rip them of and S C R A T C H!

Also, after I blogged about my nice evening, last night, I gouged the hee haw out of my finger (seriously, there is a hole) putting the new fixtures on the freshly painted (dried) kitchen drawers. I am usually quite handy but this was a freak accident. I am not going to be able to paint my nails for awhile.

I need wine when I get home.

UPDATE: I think my office mate just saw the title of this post. Eek

  • http://menapausalmama.blogspot.com/ gaining some lb's

    Very sorry to hear about the injury. I hope it is not on the hand you use to pick up the beverages. That would suck.The the office dweller next to you to leave the office, there is somthing you need to do ALONE. LOLAnd itch away.Peace#2

  • http://menapausalmama.blogspot.com/ gaiing some lb's

    Up above..I meant to say…TELL THE OFFICE DWELLER….Not THE THETHis is what happens when you are packing for 4….ugh. I hate packing.peace#2

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07635883243058872110 Mrs. Romero

    Okay, “hee haw” is a great substitute for what you really meant.. that’s a keeper (although it also sounds like a backwoods name for a girls vajayjay).

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/14403140121785234428 Z's Mom

    Wow! Sorry to hear about all the itching and the injury and all…..Try some Benadryl tonight….that might help with the itching.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16794387734217000502 Los

    I had some scratching problems – I went to my doctor about it, and he said to put Selson Blue on it, and that it is a cure-all. And, it actually worked (I had the scratchiest back ever, and now I hardly ever scratch it).

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12928664767760648499 Hullaballoo

    Woohoo, scratching to orgasm, that’s quite something lol. I hope you have cut your nails.Don’t worry about your work mate, they probably have secret yearnings to be naked too.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/05935072824189114873 Talisman

    I second the benadryl. Dope yourself up!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09132962343851092154 Tausha

    ok-this should be a lesson to you-you can’t buy cheep stuff-when it’s going to touch your body! This includes but is not limited too, body wash, poof, soap, lotion and chocolate! You can never be too careful when it comes to ur body and chocolate. Now, I don’t know what you are thinking-I love my chocolate mud mask!! So sorry about that-if I was you, i would run home, strip down, shower up with the new body wash and poof that was realy expensive that I picked up on the way Then maybe when you get out of the shower, you should have some “trucker wine” and all will be better!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/03689307061005439040 Queen Mommy

    Um, ewwww that your office mate saw the title!I know that itch and it is TORTURE! Sheer torture!DC tonight, things are looking up!

  • http://sippycupsandblackberries.typepad.com Christine

    Lol, what a great post. I feel for you – I might even have snuck a glass of wine at lunch!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15792389491137279542 Muffy Willowbrook

    Self medicating with wine?Sounds about right! :-)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/10731946745794016271 Mamahut

    Don’t you just hate lurking co-workers? Just be glad you have fur babies, my babies are always trying to lurk at my blogging. Will you come and paint my house? I already painted 2 of the million rooms in my house for you. I will share some homemade peach wine that I have been saving. Or lets save our energy and fingers and just drink wine and blog K? K.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/10023417839687501752 Snooty Primadona

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/10023417839687501752 Snooty Primadona

    Okay, I had a great laugh with this one. Funnnny!Don’t feel too badly. I tried to cut off the tip of my ring finger back in January and it took 9 stitches to get it back on. The tip is still a bit numb. But at least I didn’t have a nosy office neighbor sneaking a peek over my shoulder trying to read my crazy blog.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15634829064005032831 Kat

    I’m so sorry. I do suggest the benadryl. I get itchy skin with my seasonal allergies. I will scratch them till they are bleeding sometimes. And then a few weeks ago, My scalp all of a sudden decided to be allergic to my hair dye. Now that was some ugly scratchin’ – ugly!

  • http://prettypaperbook.com/blog christie

    Hope you get a chance to really scratch that itch! As for your “looker” – go ahead, give ‘em a show! :-)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17398095270678792909 Holy Crappers

    Flash your office worker a boob, that will teach them!#1

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16056327117924455147 Mama Dawg

    Hahahaha! Orgasmic scratching? Been there, done that. Well, not literally, but I know the feeling you’re referring to. Almost the same feeling I get the very second I take off my bra after wearing it for 12 hours.

  • Guess Who?

    mmmm….naked Jen. Can’t wait for the picture!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/14911826980781124597 scargosun

    oooo! My first stalker.No clue who that is…wish they’d send me an email or something.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00736680428036053669 BS5 Blogger

    This was funny! Naked and rolling around with great satisfaction like G Dog. There’s a Friday Crackberry pic! Hee hee.Hope you feel less itchy soon.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/05155540225515457507 Alaina

    Great post! I actually laughed out loud. Physically… instead of just thinking about laughter. Yeah. It was good.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/18341753113164178323 Lula!

    Girl…you need some Ginger Mint shower gel. Read my latest for more info…

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07562634403635180290 Shelby

    You crack me UP woman! Sorry about your injury.Boyfriend just peeped over my shoulder and exclaimed “I WANNA BE NAKED!” God help me…

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16704368269389527451 LiteralDan

    You should start giving suggestive titles to all posts, to keep your office mate on his/her toes