Since I don’t have a list of things to blog about I am going to have to blog about what it plaguing my mind right at this moment. Right at this very moment, I am having a nice cup of coffee and there is a RAGING battle going on in my head. You see, the deli downstairs has these brownies. These are not just ANY brownies. These brownies are dark chocolate with chocolate pieces AND, the BEST part…a thick peanut butter swirl. I am almost dizzy thinking about it. I WANT ONE.

Commercial Interruption: I lost 40lbs this year on WW. I have about 10 more to go. I am SCARED to FREAKING death that I will gain it back like I did the last time when I lost 30lbs. I am better prepared this time as I did not nor do I eat fake food. I ate regular food, no fat free cheese or Lean Cuisines or fat free cookies. I did eat cookies and brownies now and again. I am human after all no matter what my husband tells you. Back to the post with you.

My brain is amazing at playing both sides of this. On one side, it will say “You are working tonight. You’ll be on your feet for hours at Lottery Yarn. You’ll probably burn most of it off.” The other side says things like, “Did you see that scale this morning?” or “So how was that run you flaked on this morning? Hmmm?” GAAAA! It’s a wonder I don’t have a split personality. They will go back and forth on this for the next hour and fifteen minutes (the deli closes in an hour and 15 minutes).

My brain will then try to make deals with the other half in that if we go get said brownie, it will be the only one this week, you’ll run in the morning, you’ll not buy anymore Florentine (Crack) Confections from Whole Foods (it is crack by the way, in the manner of sunflower seed brittle) to put on your Stonyfield fat-free frozen yogurt.

Sometimes they strike a deal and have me walk down to the deli in a daze where I will paw at the basket of brownies, looking for the:

1. One with the most PB
2. Softest
3. Largest

in that order. I will take it back upstairs, warm it in the microwave for 10 seconds then drink my coffee with said brownie. I will be in chocolate/peanut butter heaven…for about 20 minutes and then it will hit me.


That part of my brain must have been sleeping while the deal went down because then it gets all guilt-trippy on me, “What about how hard you’ve worked this year?” and “Do you know how long it will take to get that out of your system?” I’ll hang my head and feel down for about 24 hours…about the same time the next day when some part of my brain will pipe up:

“Hey, you think there are brownies down there today?”

Update: Deli is closed for the day…no brownies were consumed. One battle won. :)

  • Kelley with Amy's Angels

    I hear ya'!

    I lost 25 on WW and gained back 5 and each and every day I hear the same things. Devilish I tell ya!

    Here is my encouragement: think of how wonderful you'll feel because you said “NO!” to the brownie. Busy yourself for 20 minutes so that you don't have the chance to go to the deli.


  • American in Norway

    Wow girl! Where you been? – so glad to see you again!… gonna have to go catch up on everything!

  • Sue

    Yippee skippy! Dare I believe you are back???? And you thought you were boring? Hell no.

    I can't believe you lost that much weight though because you were like a toothpick when I met you.

    I am very happy to see you in print again! :)

  • Betsy, short for Elizabeth, formally known as Esther

    WAY TO GO on the weight loss! I had planned on losing this year as I had dubbed 2010 “The year of ME.” Since I am now carrying a passenger, that has gone out the window!
    Way to go, 30lbs is fabulous and hard work.